Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Other Man

Say hello, and goodbye, to a man named Chris Gulker.

As too many of us already know, maybe the worst, enduring wound of divorce is losing part of your children's life. After the screaming, fighting, and legal issues are done, emotional wounds heal over time and we get married again. So do they. Our children become part of another family.

I've seen some terrible stepfathers, and it was a frightening thing to turn my son over to another man 30 years ago. But as I told 150 people at "our" son's wedding twenty-seven years later, Chris Gulker probably did I better job raising my boy than I could have. Chris was always calm, patient, and understanding. Using only love and positive reinforcement, Chris taught our boy responsibility and courage, gave him love and self-confidence, and stood by him when the teenage years turned ugly.

Thank you, Chris. I love and will miss you always.



David Cranmer said...

I went to Chris's blog and had tears by the time I finished the post. What an amazing man and someone I would have liked to have known.

Chris Gulker said...


I think we both realized early on that a child's heart has no bounds when it comes to love. It was never "either/or," it was "both."

You and your parents made me feel, incredibly under the circumstances, welcome in your lives. I think we've all been pleased to see the bond that has grown between John and Patrick - neither kid poisoned by the adult stuff.

Thank you and B. for always being a class act when it came to John.

Much love to you all,

- Chris