Thursday, February 24, 2011

Charlie Gets Shut Down

"All those people told me to clean it up. Well, this is me, cleaning the f--k up. F--k you!"

Stranger Than Fiction

So The Famous Author saw this picture on Facebook yesterday -- the old prospector's name is Clark -- and TFA remembered a story from four decades ago, a story so strange, he has refused to repeat it the last three. No one ever believed it, he said. Why make a fool of himself by standing up for the Truth?

I don't know about you, but I had to hear the tale after that. I wanted to make up my own mind about whether to believe it or not. Let's face it. TFA has been known to exaggerate. And so late last night, after several large tequila sours, our friend the bozo author said something like this:

"Clark and his wife lived in San Francisco. My wife and I were visiting for a week from Los Angeles, staying with them. Since the wives were ditching us all day anyway, Clark and I decided to go salmon fishing on the spur of the moment. Figuring we'd rent everything we'd need, we jumped in his truck and took off north on Highway 101.

"Late that afternoon, maybe six or eight hours of driving, we reach the Klamath River. It's in California, but almost Oregon. The river banks are elbow-to-elbow with guys in waders and poles. The river inself looks like the Yankees parking lot on a game day, packed with rowboats.

"Clark and I decide to have a drink, figure out what the heck we're gonna do, maybe find out where to rent stuff. We order a cocktail. Clark suggests we play a hand of dice poker to see who pays. He rolls. I roll. I pay. I pay and I pay and I pay. Twenty-two carefully measured rounds later, I have no money. I have paid for forty-four shots of scotch and bourbon.

"I don't remember much after that. Clark took me to a party. He knew people up there (maybe the bartender?). I slept in a corner until he drove us home in the morning. We told the wives we gave away all the salmon we caught to some poor hungry kids."

Austin's Note: Top this with a true story in the comments section, I'll have TFA send you a signed book -- his, or maybe Dennis Lehane, S.J. Rozen, Jeffrey Cohen, Chris Grabenstein, and others. He has a few.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Murphy



FOUR FEET

I have done mostly what men do,
And pushed it out of my mind;
But I can't forget, if I wanted to,
Four-Feet trotting behind.

Day after day, the whole day through--
Wherever my road inclined--
Four-Feet said, 'I am coming with you!'
And trotted along behind.

Now I must go by some other round--
Which I shall never find--
Some where that does not carry the sound
Of Four-Feet trotting behind.
--- Rudyard Kipling

Monday, February 14, 2011

Another Broken Heart

The Famous Author never tells me anything, and being a fictional character, it's pretty hard to read newspapers or watch television. So it was a shock and a surprise to learn this morning that ... gasp ... Shania Twain has remarried, and if you don't believe me, just click on the link to see pictures.

I don't know who the guy is. His name starts with a T.

Bastard. Swept Shania off her feet before I even had a chance. If TFA had only found a home for my novels, gotten numbers three and four out there, I know Shania would have fallen for me. I know it. I mean, come on, look at that picture in the sidebar. Don't I remind you of that actor, Johnny Depp? Shania would have rolled in a second.

Alas, my dream must again be placed on hold. Married chicks hold no interest. I feel like saying, "Here's hoping this one doesn't last as long as your marriage to Snuffy, or Sticky, or whatever his name was," but I don't mean it, Shania. I want only happiness for you.
Love, Austin

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

JUSTIFIED's Second Season Tonight!

Tonight. 10 pm Eastern and Pacific. FX Networks. JUSTIFIED begins it's second season. I cannot wait.

Timothy Olyphant (Remember DEADWOOD?) stars as Deputy US Marshal Raylan Givens, a character created by none other than our favorite fiction ace, Elmore Leonard.
Givens is a character returning to his home town in Harlan County, Kentucky, packing Elmore's favorite kind of justice -- swift and terrible.

Last year ended in a wild gun fight that killed Bo Crowder, and this year, the creeps, including the drug-dealing Bennett Clan, led by Mags Bennett (Dexter's Margo Martindale), move in to fill the vacancy. One of Mags' boys – a former high school rival of Given's -- gets some good scenes, plus, Bo's nutty son Boyd (played by Walton Goggins) offers new complications.

And on top of all that, Raylan could be falling in love.

Oh, boy. See you tonight!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Brrrrrr ...

Snow is a type of precipitation within the Earth's atmosphere in the form of crystalline water ice, consisting of a multitude of snowflakes that fall from clouds. (Duh!)

Since snow is composed of small ice particles, it is a granular material. (Not at my house. It's poison!)

It has an open and therefore soft structure, unless packed by external pressure. Snowflakes come in a variety of sizes and shapes. (All of which suck.)

The process of precipitating snow is called snowfall. (Really?)

Snowfall tends to form within regions of upward motion of air around a type of low-pressure system known as an extratropical cyclone. Snow can fall poleward of these systems' associated warm fronts and within their comma head precipitation patterns (called such due to the comma-like shape of the cloud and precipitation pattern around the poleward and west sides of extratropical cyclones).

Oh, yeah? Thanks to Wikipedia for the info, but you know what? Snow just sucks.