The Famous Author never tells me anything, and being a fictional character, it's pretty hard to read newspapers or watch television. So it was a shock and a surprise to learn this morning that ... gasp ... Shania Twain has remarried, and if you don't believe me, just click on the link to see pictures.
I don't know who the guy is. His name starts with a T.
Bastard. Swept Shania off her feet before I even had a chance. If TFA had only found a home for my novels, gotten numbers three and four out there, I know Shania would have fallen for me. I know it. I mean, come on, look at that picture in the sidebar. Don't I remind you of that actor, Johnny Depp? Shania would have rolled in a second.
Alas, my dream must again be placed on hold. Married chicks hold no interest. I feel like saying, "Here's hoping this one doesn't last as long as your marriage to Snuffy, or Sticky, or whatever his name was," but I don't mean it, Shania. I want only happiness for you.